Assertiveness Training - Aha! Something I did in April (going back here to the 14th)

When I had my probation meeting with my line manager after the first 3 months of my placement, one of the things we both agreed would be beneficial for me would be for me to attend an assertiveness training course. Due to low numbers of people signing up for the course and some last-minute cancellations, it took a good few months for the training to actually take place, but in April, it finally went ahead!

Before I came on placement, I'd always seen myself as quite an extrovert - I'm quite colourful and expressive with what I wear and very creative. Coming into an unfamiliar working environment and a new team dynamic, though, was quite daunting and I soon realised I'm a lot more shy and timid than I thought!

Assertiveness training taught me so much. I would like to think I'm a very good judge of character and always manage to avoid confrontation if I see it on the horizon - I prefer the easy life and hate petty squabbles! This has worked out really well for me in the past - or so I thought. The course leader showed me that actually, the way I behave in some group situations - not rocking the boat and trying to be lovely and pleasing everyone all the time - can give people the impression that I'm naive and a bit of a pushover! She taught me that it's not only okay to have opinions which are different to others'; it's your right to voice them! Respect works both ways, so you need to give others the opportunity and reason to give it to you...

Everyone has rights and, according to the course leader, they are are follows:

"I have the right to:

1. Set my own priorities




2. Be treated with respect




3. Express my own feelings and opinions




4. Be listened to and taken seriously




5. Say no without feeling guilty




6. Get what I pay for




7. Get information from professionals




8. Ask for what I want




9. Make mistakes




10. Choose not to assert myself

And so do others."

I love psychology and finding out about the ways in which people behave in different situations, so I found it really interesting when we looked at how the language you use and the tone, pitch and volume of your voice can alter people's perceptions of you. For example:

• Straightforward assertion: "I need to...", "I feel very...", "The fact is...". Used in everyday situations, ensuring your voice is SLOWER and LOUDER than usual, these are statements whereby you stand up for your rights and clearly express your needs, wants, opinions, beliefs or feelings




• Understanding assertion: "I appreciate that you...however, I need to....". Used when disagreements exists, but you need to let the other person know that you are geniunely considering their position. Spoken slowly, this is straightforward assertion which also includes an element of empathy towards the other person




• Outcome assertion: "If this happens again.... I will have no alternative but to...". A straightforward assertion which makes it clear to the other person what will happen if they do not change their actions or behaviour, spoken at a steady pace and pitch, slowing down on the last sentence

We practised a lot of these scenarios and the group (in the end, there were only two of us taking part in the course, myself included!) felt a lot more confident at the end of the course in dealing with certain situations - and with certain disagreeable people!